Today after a bit of a battle getting Mette to sleep I went to work in the kitchen. Right now both the kids on a good day are taking a nap at the same time in the afternoon which allows me a golden opportunity to make dinner. It is really my only time to work on such things as Mette has given up her morning nap. An hour and a half later, as I was reloading the recently unloaded dishwasher, after getting dinner ready for the oven, I was thinking about how I spend my time. I had just spent over an hour madly chopping, peeling and stirring (you think prepping for a dinner rush is hectic, try getting dinner done before the kids wake up!) when I could have been doing any number of other things. From here I began to ponder the feminist movement, and my place in it. I have always had a tough time with feminism. I am very grateful for the opportunity to embrace the work force. The chance to go out and be anything I want to be is a gift countless generations of brilliant women before me would have given anything for. And yet, what I really want to do is stay home and cook. Well, to be honest I want to do more than just cook, but I want I don't want to do is join the BIG workforce. I want to stay home and teach my kids to cook. Teach them how to bake, and sew. Plant a garden with them, teach them to care for it and to look forward to each harvest. I want to take that harvest and turn it into food for the winter by means of canning and preserving. Basically I want to teach by example how to live a more sustainable life. Not just because I think it will help them lead fuller lives, but because I want to live this way and well, they are at the mercy of my decisions.
So how does all this fit into feminism? I want women to have all the same opportunities as men, but I am not interested in them for myself. Honestly I think men and women have different strengths and are just simply better at different tasks. That isn't to say that all women are better cooks or nurtures or that all men should carry the heavy loads, but in many cases it works better that way. And why shouldn't it? The best teams always have players with individual strengths. Nobody would want a baseball team of all 1st basemen, why should a marriage be any different.
While all of this is buzzing through my head I sat down to take a quick check on Facebook before the small ones stirred. A good friend posted
this (you really should click over and read it, it's short but great) which played right into what I was thinking. Am I helping women take a step back by not joining the workforce? Is a dinner of real food and true time spent with my family more important to me than that? These are big questions. But when it comes down to it, I believe that making a life where you understand where the things you have come from, largely because you were part of the process, it more important than just about anything else.
7 comments:
Isn't that the point of feminism, you get to choose to do all of those things rather than have someone tell you that you need to do those things in order to be a good wife, mother, and woman?
Besides, Adrian is, by far, the better cook in this house. Although I am willing to change that if you would just help a girl out!
I too think choice is the best definition of feminism. For some couples perhaps the husband (not to say all couples have one of each either!) would be more fulfilled in the role you have assumed. I think the pursuit of a more sustainable, responsible, healthy and happy life is something we all need to figure out in this crazy modern world we live in. I do feel that it's comforting to know and be surrounded by others who are striving for that kind of life - especially in the face of so many strong forces in our society that run counter to those ideas.
I totally agree that choice is huge part of today's feminism.
And isn't another part of feminism valuing what is traditionally considered "women's work" as work? I think that if people consider this generation of women (and men)who are planting gardens, cooking at home, staying home with kids, and living on less by doing more as just idly passing the time, then THAT mindset is the step backwards.
My instant reaction to this thought provoking post is to agree that choice is the central concept of feminism that we need to nurture and protect as time goes on. But this is also about working on a tangible thing, dinner, gardening, sewing etc. I think a return toward handmade things is an important part of this discussion. We are in danger of losing a kind of intelligience in our society which has to do with making things. Ken and I, who are dedicated to DIY in all areas of our life, are saddened by the number of people who are incredibly clueless about how things work and how things are made and basically can't DO anything! And they are intimidated by a subversive sort of condition sensitivity (created by companies who want you to buy their stuff, not make your own)which prevents them from trying anything too. So I see the return of homemaking as an important way of making family life more meaningful and memorable and using a part of our brain that is in real danger of atrophying from lack of use.
The Arts & Crafts Movement Lives!!
This is particularly timely for me as I grade essays that responded to the question of how the A&C Movement helped to alter gender roles in late 19th and early 20th century america through a return to a focus on the home, making things by hand and joy in labor.
wonderful discussion!
As someone who came of age in the 60's and chose to "live the simple life" by growing most of what we ate, keeping dairy goats, hanging the clothes out I am heartened by all of you and your thinking. Saying one stayed home in those days was like saying I am a terrorist today. There is nothing more important than being able to spend time with your children and being their first source of information. Life appears to be much more complex now, certainly in terms of supporting the family, and not everyone can afford to be at home but, if you are lucky enough to have that choice and can teach your children about the natural world they live in I say more power to you it is a gift that will return to you in ways you cannot imagine.
namsuss' mom
wow, what a great group of women read this blog. Not surprising I like all of you so much AND you share my views on work and choosing your own path.
betsy, you are quite the inspiration! If ever I feel like complaining I think about stories of you taking care of two kids, making/growing all your own food and taking care of livestock. Stops my navel gazing in an instant.
mom, if ever I think I am super cool for making stuff, I am humbled by the fact you are building your ENTIRE house by hand. and it is amazing! As eric said last weekend when he spotted the drawer pulls, "sheesh, can't they even just BUY knobs!" No, you are making them too.
It is having people like this in my life that makes it easy to make the decisions I do.
Post a Comment