It's been one of those days

We all have them. Good days, but exhausting. It is wednesday, playgroup day. We were hosting today and this time of year, even if it is a bit cold and windy, I like to see children outside running around. Since our playgroup has grown in size over the years I thought that we might max out our small town yard and proposed a short hike to a park one block away for a picnic. It turned out to be a great idea. The kids got to run around, we had big blanket loaded with snacks, bubbles and a river for them to threaten to pitch themselves into at every turn. I had a fun time loading up our wagon with grapes, watermelon, crackers, cheese, carrots, peas, dip, dried fruit, snap peas, napkins, plates, a blanket the parachute and wipes all while keeping Otto from riding vehicles down the stairs and while holding Mette since being put down was NOT in her morning plans. Mette seems to be teething or something as she was quite crabby and clingy all morning which really isn't her style. We had a great time out playing with our friends and being as I recently make a giant batch of minestrone soup I invited three other moms and their kiddos to stay for lunch. That brought the grand total of four moms and six children for lunch. It was a lot of fun but during that time Mette took a classic 20 minute power nap. Sometimes that works out well, and other days, like today it is trouble. She was exhausted!!! but refused to go to sleep when Otto did. It wasn't until 3, two hours after her normal nap time, that I finally just put her in her crib and walked away that she finally threw in the towel. She just needed to sleep and I couldn't do anything else for her. She slept until 4:40 and seemed to be a bit better. She woke up with some of the best bed head I have ever seen. That is saying a lot since Otto can rock the goods.

When eric got home he suggested going out for Chinese and I was all for it. We took the kids, since it is frowned upon to leave them home alone and dined on Lo Mein, snow crab and veggies. A giant mess was made that I cleaned in a pile but didn't have to deal with beyond that! We of course each got a fortune cookie, I think they were quite inspirational.

Otto: Take advantage of your great imagination. It will serve you well.

Mette: A schedule defends from chaos and whim.

Eric: The greatest effort is not concerned with results.

mine: Stop worrying and take a chance.

and with that I bid you good night.

It's all starting to make sense

I am sure it goes without saying that I have spent the majority of my brain power over the past few days wrestling with this whole Sensory Processing Disorder thing. Like any concerned citizen I spent most of last night awake thinking through everything. Mette must be concerned as well since she was up at 11, 1:30, 3:30 and 6. Ugh. I will say though that so much of Otto's quirks are starting to make sense to me. All of the following things can easily be connected to SPD:

having to be swung, rocked or bounced as a baby to get him to stop crying

the entire year from months to almost 2 when getting him out of the bath and into jammies was a full on meltdown EVERY NIGHT

why we only wash his hair when it is absolutely necessary (every few months sometimes) because doing so causes him so much distress

why if another kid at playgroup has a meltdown I can be certain that Otto will too soon, often for what seemed like no reason at all. Now I understand it is a heighten sense of empathy on his part that leaves him with too many emotions he can't deal with

the extreme screaming and crying that results from wiping his hands and face after eating. This is getting better but we still have our days.

the fact that no matter how warm he gets outside playing, if he is wearing a jacket and I offer to take it off it is the end of the world.

All of these are situations that right now lead to complete meltdowns on his part but hopefully with the help of therapy and some new approaches on our part we may be able to avoid in the future. A lot have to do with touch. He is clearly extremely sensitive to touch, even things like taking off a jacket are sometimes more than he can handle. It changes how you look at everything when you know that he isn't being stubborn (though I don't rule that out entirely, he is three) but more often he is stressed and scared.

I am the kind of person who enjoys challenges and tries to rise to the occasion. I have up until now thought parenting offered some really big challenges but this is a whole new book. I really hope that soon we can help him to feel better and less stressed.

Ironically some of the things that he loves to do so much are just the kinds of things he needs to do for therapy. SPD therapy is more like play most of the time. Doing chores that are physically challenging like carrying heavy things or pulling heavy wagons is really good. Even going to far as to wear a weighted vest sometimes. His STIG helmut (eric's old racing helmut) fits the bill for that perfectly. Driving his "motorcycle" around is really good for him. Playing with playdoh is also high on the list, as is playing in the sand or dirt. Incorporating these things into our daily routine won't be hard at all.

A weekend of festivities

This weekend was the Arts Festival here in town. It is a lot of fun that is literally right outside our front door. They close off Market Street to traffic which alone is fun for the kids. The entire main drag is lined with booths of artists selling their wares. Someday I have hopes that they will actually make it a juried art show and attract really amazing artists, but there are still some good finds in the masses of kitsch. It doesn't matter too much since I don't really get a chance to see any of it for more than a second as we pass on the way to something more kid friendly. The best part by far is the wide array of fair food. We had funnel cake for breakfast, crabcake sandwiches for the boys lunch and cheesesteaks and french fries for Mette and I at lunch, then after naptime we scored some ice cream. It was a good day. They set up kids activities in the park by our house complete with a petting zoo, pony rides and crafts. They also had a rather intensely religious puppet show that was quite loud which we did our best to avoid. Ahh, central PA. Despite calling out for ponies for 6 blocks leading up to the park, Otto wanted nothing to do with the ponies once we bought him a ticket to ride one. Good thing there were kids we knew everywhere and we were able to pass of the ticket to someone who would put it to use. He did come in with me to feed the goats and sheep. It was actually a good time to see his sensory processing in full swing. He was doing really well for a while but there was a point where he just was too overwhelmed to control himself anymore. He totally melted down and had to be put in the stroller and wheeled back home through the alley. Knowing that the meltdown was due to be over stimulated and understanding he needed to "reboot" helped me, but we still are working on ways to do that. Luckily we were close to home and bringing him home to his own space where he feels comfortable and was quiet helped tremendously. He settled down and was able to eat a little lunch. The rest of the day was still a series of battles, but I am hoping we will learn some ways to deal with them soon. Right now we are waiting for our complete daily plan which the therapist is working on for us. The idea is that we will have things we do everyday like swinging, playing with toys with different textures and joint compressions that will help teach him how to deal with stimulations that make him feel out of control and start to re-channel his central nervous system (that is where the joint compressions come in). The therapist said that once we really start challenging him everyday with these tasks it will initially lead to more meltdowns, but after two weeks things should get better. If that is the true it will be amazing. I have been reading about sensory processing disorder and looking for ways to help him during the tantrums because that is often when I feel the most helpless. One thing that I have found is that holding him in a tight hug may help to connect with him. If he will let me do that still stands to be seen, but I am willing to try. I am trying not to feel overwhelmed with information and new techniques and labels but if any of it helps him feel more in control and helps me make him feel better, then that is all that matters.

Through all of this, Mette is starting to talk like crazy. Words are flying out of that girls mouth all the time with more and more meaning. She is repeating things you say like it is nothing, "outside, goat, pig, daddy, apple, car, cat, meow, juice" when you say "ready, set" she screams "GO". She also now signs in sentence like phrases. "Go Outside" "eat more" "drink more juice" We went to the campus library today and I took her to look for some kids books. For the first few minutes I was able to distract her with a few books to look at while I searched for titles that looked good. Before too long though she realized she could bolt out the door and tear down the hallway which was a hilarious game. I would chase after her and bring her back squealing with delight only to have her tear out of the room again screaming with joy. Needless to say I got four books that looked decent that were by the door and that was it. We will have to go back for more.

Mette rocking her sunglasses on the way to the Arts Fest.

Otto and I feeding the goats.

Mette loves to dress up and today she wanted to wear Otto's Ferrari suit, since he wasn't too keen on that idea we got out his one from last year for Mette. Not cute at all!!

Yum

I have this grand idea that I have mentioned before of a seperate blog where all I talk about is food and it's wonderfulness but it just isn't going to happen anytime soon, and I am ok with that. However every once in a while I stumble on some food find that is just too good to pass up. This one hails again from the Smitten Kitchen website, but I have changed the recipe quite a bit. The earlier link shows her original recipe, but here is what I have come up with and love. Not only is this a healthy filling dinner, or brunch food, it takes less than 30 minutes to prepare and can be made with things most of us having in our pantry all the time. The cornerstones of a good meal in my book.

I have no fancy name for this dish but I can tell you that a VERY queasy pregnant friend has now downed seconds of this dish twice so that should attest to it's yumminess.

1/4 olive oil

1 large onion chopped

5 garlic cloves smashed

3 jalapeno or other hot of your choice

1 tsp ground cumin

1 tbsp paprika

1/2 bag of frozen corn

1 16 oz can of black beans

2 28oz cans of whole peeled tomatoes with juice

4 or 5 eggs, I never seem to have room for more... but 6 would be great.

Kosher salt to taste

1 cup Queso Fresco

small bunch of chives snipped

tortillas for dipping

saute onions in olive oil until translucent, add garlic and peppers, simmer for two minutes, add cumin and paprika, cook long enough to blend flavors, 1-2 minutes. With heat on high add corn and black beans. In a seperate bowl or over the pan as you add them if you are lazy like me, crush the tomatoes and add them along with their juice to the pan. Bring this all to a heavy simmer or low boil and allow to thicken, 15 minutes.

crack the eggs in one at a time spread out so they don't touch. Cook for 5 minutes so they are like dippy eggs. While they are cooking sprinkle whole dish with cheese, chives and salt. To serve carefully lift out eggs in a pool of tomato goodness. Serve with warm tortillas for dipping.

As always, if you like things spicier, go for it. This way is nice and flavorful, but not so hot that Otto won't eat it. The fine line I tread with all our meals.

Enjoy! If you have a variation on the meal or tried it and want to share, please leave a comment.

Earth Day (a little late)

Obviously I am a bit behind on getting these photos up, but with eric shooting a commercial this week, getting screen time with the camera, camera cable and the computer all at once has been almost impossible. I am happy to report that with the wrap today at 6 they are DONE shooting minus the one or two inevitable pick-up shots. These photos were taken earlier this week with Otto and his buddies out enjoying an absolutely beautiful day. I like to think of everyday as EARTH DAY which is extremely corny I know, but I have to admit it does make me feel all warm and fuzzy watching five (and soon to be six!) little kids running around inspecting every flower, branch, tree and river they see.

Here we are setting off on our little adventure...

Otto has been giving a hand-me-down scooter a try these days.

Just me and five kids out for a stroll... (photos taken by megan, other parent on duty)

Since when do they have such a big kid stance? Don't they remember being tiny babies here what seems like just a minute ago?

The three amigos.

Fancy new tricks

This is a new trick for me. I am updating from my iPod. It is a bit strange and I don't love it yet, but I am going to give it the old college try. Yesterday we had otto's occuptional therapy appointment. It went really well. The woman we met with was wonderful and really helpful. I can away from it feeling like so many questions and fears I have had were answered. She definatly thinks Otto has a sensory processing disorder. You will have to google, I can't figure how to hot link yet. When you read about it it really sounds like Otto. It is something we can help him over come and deal with easily at home which is really good. She also said that dealing with it will help his mood swings and tantrums which was music to my ears. She is a bit concerned that the train fear is becoming irrational and may be a phobia so we are going to take him to a child therapist to work on that.

I have to run now because the kids are waking up but I just wanted to let those of you who were asking know how it went. Good is the answer. I will post the rest of the details tonight. We are off to star in daddy's next commercial!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Parenting Styles

If you read the blogs and news stories that I gravitate towards, there is a lot of talk about parenting styles lately. There are helicopter parents, free range kids and a whole slew of middle ground. Each group of course has many of followers and countless others who think any way other than their way is an absurd method of parenting. I am not big on labels. I find they do more harm than good and never account for the majority of "followers" who take things with a large grain of salt. That being said, I am going to label my parenting style as lazy. And I really mean that in the best way. Not lazy in the "boy do I feel at ease and relaxed" at the end of the day because it takes two glasses of wine for me to really feel like that and rarely do I ever stay awake long enough to have one. No, rather lazy in terms of constantly engaging my children in play and activities. I am by no means cool and loose enough to be a free range parent despite the fact that a lot of my childhood fits the bill of being free range. I require too much structure for that. I remember feeling stressed at the lack of structure when I was a kid, that hasn't gotten better as I became an adult in charge of small people. However I also am not up in my kids face all the time. I believe in getting dirty,

you, over there, digging in dirt and sand while I sit here and watch you. No, no, I see how cool your backhoe is, you must be having a wonderful time playing with it.

I hear your squeals of frustration, but I am going to give you a chance to work it out before I offer to help.

I of course play "cars for sale" a lot with Otto and build towers and race tracks, but he also just plays by himself for a large part of the time we are at home. I cook, clean, putz around and am generally available for comment, but not directly involved in his play. Part of it is because I think it is important to know how to entertain yourself and partly because, oh my god and girl can only play big rigs for so long!! I just don't have the endurance to make up fun games all day long. We play, we have a blast, we read tons of books, but when I am working on something, it is time to occupy yourself.

Smooch

Conversations with Mette

The catalyst. Sorry, it was too easy, I couldn't help myself.

Look Mom, there is cat in the flower pot!!

Isn't that hilarious!

And he doesn't even mind when I fold up his ears.

I better give him a kiss* after all that "loving".

*more on kissing soon. Video following when the professor is home.

Thanks

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has emailed to show support of what we are going through. It is so wonderful to know that so many people feel like we are doing the right thing. It is also really nice just to know so many of you are reading the blog everyday!! We have an appointment for next Thursday morning with the occupational therapist. Once we meet with her we will have a much better idea of where to go next, either more meetings with her or perhaps another therapist. Otto is having a wonderful day today which of course is wonderful, but I have to remind myself not to second guess my decisions and stay on track.

Thank you again for all your kind thoughts and words of encouragement. Being part of a village is a wonderful thing.

Dude Quotes

A few nights ago eric took Otto up to campus after dinner to look for a new movie in the library. When they got out of the car Otto proclaimed "Come on dad, let's hit it up. We are boys in the city". You couldn't script anything better than this.
Then tonight when I was getting in bed with him to snuggle he patted me on the head and said "Aw mommy, you are my favorite little lady". Let the record show that we do not call Mette a little lady, nor do I know where he heard that.
Over the weekend he watched Pippy Longstocking, which he really seemed to like quite a bit. Yesterday at breakfast he asked eric "daddy, did you direct Pippy Longstocking?". That may have something to do with the fact that on Sunday eric was shooting a commercial for EFF and I took the kids to the set to see him in action.

Stress Monkey

that funky monkey.

This has been a long week and it is only tuesday. Though to be fair the stress and angst didn't start on monday. Lately fear, anxiety and general screaming from Otto are blanketing me with stress.

We have always known that Otto was someone who was emotional. When he is happy he is over the moon, when sad, there is no silver lining he can find and when he is mad, watch out. Lately though his emotions have become even bigger, if that is even possible and he and I both don't seem equipped to deal with them. The latest hurdle for us to overcome is a new and VERY intense fear of train sounds. It all started a few weeks ago when walking down through town when a train came by. It was admittedly a very loud train but he has been around trains many times before.... regardless, his whole body was trembling as he clung to me for dear life. He and I both had our hands over his ears while I tried to reassure him everything was going to be ok. It took a long time after the train was gone for him to calm down. For the next few days everyone he saw was told the story, by him, of how he saw a train, it was really loud, it scared him and he cried. We talked about it all the time and i really thought that by working it out we could get beyond it. That does not seem to be the case. Now if he hears a train way WAY far off in the distance he begins to bawl, and shake and is clearly terrified. Nothing I seem to do seems to help. Moreover, everything I can think of seems to only be reactionary, nothing is proactive or seeming capable of helping him overcome this fear. In addition to this intense fear that is surfacing his screaming and intense toddler angst is going to new heights. When he gets mad there is no way to talk to him and he looses complete control. For a while it felt like I was getting somewhere with every time he started loosing it to find a safe quiet place where he could be alone and calm down in his own space. Now, even that doesn't feel like it is working. There are so many things going on here I don't know where to start. Control issues, fear, anxiety, anger. All important emotions that we all wrestle with through our whole lives and emotions that I feel one of my primary roles as his care giver is to teach him how to deal with. Lately though, I don't feel like I can get through to him. Something else is at work here and I am in over my head.

I have a good friend whose son is the same age as Otto. She has known Otto since the day he was born and is an excellent sounding board for kid issues. They are currently working with some therapists with their son over some sensory and language issues and loves the people she is working with. Talking to her made me realize that this isn't just crazy three year old developmental hurdles and that getting outside help may make us all feel better. After many conferences on the topic with another friend, a former preschool teacher and general smart gal, I decided to talk to our pediatrician about my fears and concerns. She agreed that it might be a good idea to talk to an occupational therapist to try and get some answers, for my sake as much as Otto's. I have the referral and am now just waiting for a call back to schedule a meeting. That alone is making me feel better.

I want so much to give Otto the tools he needs to be successful in life. I want to walk the line between awesome cool mom who is there as a friend whenever he needs me. But I also see that he needs discipline and guidance. And really, I am a rookie, I've never done this before. What the heck do I know?? As eric says, he is long term experiment no. 1. I will be sure to keep you posted as to how this all plays out but for now I am just waiting and hoping I make the right moves on the way down this path.

The cat days of spring

We have been having some HOT weather around here. It is only just April and it has been in the 80's this week. I am not really a 80's kind of girl. 70's really suit me better and 60 is even better. The nice thing is it is still really cool in the evening and the mornings are chilly enough to merit a light jacket. After naptime though it has been quite warm. The cats are staying cool the best way they know how.

Schmelig has taken to sleeping on the air compressor for the air conditioner...

And Nurkel can be found in the shade of the water table. It is important to remember they lead very hard lives and we should feel sorry for them.
Perhaps we can blame it on the heat, or all the sunshine, but Mette has experienced some major sleep fails this week. Twice she has fallen asleep in the car or stroller on our way home at lunch time. On tuesday when we came home from playschool she fell asleep two blocks from the house. When we got home I had her in my arms while I took off Otto's shoes, helped him go potty, got him in bed for a nap and got the mail. She never woke up, so I put her down in her crib. There she slept for 25 minutes and was wide awake. Nothing I could do would get her back to sleep so downstairs she came. Wednesday was much the same story. Since she still gets up a few times in the night she really needs a nap, but both days this week she was as charming as ever in the afternoon without her nap. She gets a bit clingy in the evening with me but otherwise seems to do ok. If it meant she slept better at night I might try to encourage it, but alas, it doesn't. Last night being the proof of that. Oh, last night was a long non sleeping night. I have hopes tonight will be better. When she isn't screaming and not sleeping I can hear her in her crib working on talking. I think she is really putting a lot of energy into language these days. I heard her saying "UP" with perfect enunciation over and over, not calling to be picked up, just practicing. She is also saying so much more during the day. Between the signing which she adds to every day and the words her ability to communicate is really coming along. She can now sign,

eat

drink

juice

all done

nurse

hat

shoes

bath

sleep

horse

dog

please

car

bird

stars

airplane

go

stop

night night

outside

book

she can say

mamma

dadda

otto

night night

all done

duck

up

cow

deep grunting sound with body shake that means "yes"

go

but more than anything, her comprehension is amazing. You can say, let's go into the kitchen and she is off and running. Or, get another book and she is off to the bookshelf. Everyday I am shocked at how much she understands and does. If Otto and are talking about getting shoes on to go outside she is looking for her shoes. As eric says, she could use a few head injuries to slow her down.

She also continues to me very mechanically minded. She watched me lock the door while she was trying the knob and immediately gave up on the knob and went for the lock. Awesome.
Mom, MaryAnn, this picture is for you. Don't you think she looks just like Uncle John here. In as much as she can look just like Uncle John, which isn't much, but I think you know what I mean! There is something about her mouth that as soon as I saw it made me think of him.
We had to order Mette some sandals because she has the tiniest feet ever. She wears a size 2-3! Otto at this age was in a 5 1/2. Most shoes that size aren't meant for kids who are walking. We did however manage to get her the cutest sandals you have ever seen. Partly because anything that small is bound to be adorable. She immediately wanted to put them in the shoe cubbies.

And then she tried to put them on herself.

Tonight the heat is breaking a bit and we had a decent thunderstorm. Otto went out on the porch to play in the rain. The thunder was a bit loud so out came the headphones. Best thing we ever bought, those headphones.

She spotted a cat!

Is it just me or does he get cuter all the time??

Outside

Outside is a whole new world everyday. New leaves are emerging from the ground and every tree has new buds each morning. We are preparing beds for vegetables which means new dirt to explore. Piles of old leaves are now pockets of new flowers. Otto remembers last year and how much he loves playing in the sand and dirt, Mette is just discovering the joys of dirt and sand. Together they are having a wonderful time. There is endless fascination in watching sand fall from their little fingers. Checking each and every emerging tulip and daffodil never grows old. Backhoes and shovels have been very busy getting things ready. For what, we don't know. I have blown so many bubbles that I have started to feel faint and had to take a break. The kids both have scraped knees and sand in their hair that I never seem to get out. Suddenly we are reacquainted with our neighbors as everyone is outside enjoying the beautiful weather just as we are. I am sure people everywhere enjoy spring, how could you not, but living here where there really is a winter to emerge from makes it that much more sweet. Just a few weeks ago there were hats, gloves, coats and boots needed before heading out. Now the door is open and out they run. Otto comes and goes as he pleases and if I wasn't certain Mette would fall down the steps she would too. This is going to be a good summer, I can tell. Full of bicycle rides (you should see Otto on his "motorcylce", it is amazing), popsicles, the FREEZ, sand, dirt and scraped knees. We are ready.